Last month Chris and I turned one. I can’t believe it’s been a year already. The time just seemed to fly by. I won’t sit here and tell you that it’s been all sweetness and kisses cause I’d be lying. We’ve had out disagreements and even our first “fights”. But at the end of it all there’s peace, a compromise, an understanding that no matter what, we have each others back.
Sometimes I sit and think about my past relationships and wonder why things weren’t this easy. Wrong person? Wrong time? A combination of both. What I do know is that they all taught me something. A lot about myself and some about men.
I can honestly say I see Chris so different than I did anyone else, including my ex-husband. Partly because of they type of person that he is. I’m gonna brag on my man a little bit so prep yourself. For starters, he is not a romantic in the general definition of the word. His romance is displayed when he rubs my back when I lay across his lap, or puts his hand in my hair. When I’m cooking he’ll come in to help me clean, he’ll grab the broom and mop and send me away to finish up. He gasses up my car. His sappy texts are rare but when I do get them I know they are from the heart. One of the things I love the most is that he can make me laugh. Even on my roughest days he’s a text or meme or picture away from making me smile. His soft, kind, funny, loving, sweetness is all mine. Most people don’t see that side of him.
I feel privileged to know what it feels like to be absolutely head over heels in love.
I know I promised this post months ago, a little late but here it is guys.
If you read my last post you know that I met my boyfriend on tinder, I know who knew there were actually good guys on there. I guess you can say that somehow the stars aligned the night we met. I was completely burned out on dating. I had tried all the lame dating sites and at the end of the day ended up more frustrated than I had started. I never seemed to find the guy with the qualited I knew I needed. Not to mention that most didn’t get to the actual date part because of the pervert factor. I guess guys assume that being a gentleman was not a requirement and that sex was what all women online are looking for? I don’t know but it was getting annoying.
I honestly dont remember who messaged who first but it was so sweet from the beginning. We messaged back and forth for a few days before I gave him my number and honestly i was waiting for the dumb sex questions to start, you know which ones….what are you wearing…what do you like blah blah blah. I tell him all the time that this was one of the reasons that I found him so attractive. The questions never came. He was a perfect getleman, over text, over the phone, in person. He let me take the lead and it was so refreshing.
Fast forward to now I’m happy to say that I am one happy woman. It’s amazing to know a feel like you are cherished. Don’t get me wrong we’ve had our small disagreements but at the end of the day I know that most things aren’t worth the fight. And talking it out is wayyyyy better than the arguing and the fighting. I’ve learned so much about myself, about relationships, love, sacrifice.
I don’t want this feeling to ever end.
Let me first start by saying thank you to those who still follow. It’s been a while since I’ve written but it’s not for lack of material. Life has just been crazy.
It official now, I’m now a mom of a four year old. Where has the time gone? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was praying for a positive pregnancy test. Sometimes i look at him and wonder how I was so lucky to be his mom. He is smart and caring. He has an a amazing imagination and is so creative. I cant believe that in less than a year he will be a kindergartner. I hope and pray that I am leading him in the right direction. I have to admit that sometimes I fear that I’m lacking something, that not having his father under the same roof will somehow change who he should have been. Hopefully that will change soon. But speaking of men…I met a guy!
Yes there’s a guy, I guess that explains a little of my absences as well. He’s really great. ..but more about him later.
I don’t know how I got this far. But my heart is happy. I’m at peace with the way things my life have turned out.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
I feel so frustrated right now. I feel like I’m running on fumes and even that is about to go out. So many changes in the past few months have left me spinning to say the least. My body is tired. We are moving in one week and five days. The 29th cannot get here fast enough.
I finally got the paperwork from the attorney and I have to admit that I cried. Sitting there in the parking lot of the attorneys office I cried as I read our names followed by the words dissolution of marriage. There are days that is doesn’t seem real. But it is. And the last days if being a married woman are finally here. My heart is broken into a million pieces over this, but you cannot force someone to love you no matter how much you think that they should.
I know life will go on. And maybe one day I will find some one new. Big changes. Most days I don’t feel like I could take any more life altering changes.
One way ticket to the great unknown.