I will

I will always fight for you Judah! I will go above and beyond to help you and guide you in life. I will make your voice heard when they want you to just go with the flow.

I will advocate for you. I will ask questions and seek the best answers, because I am your mama and that’s what I do best.

I will question. I will research. I will go till I am out of fumes. And then some. I will make them see you.

I will push you. You may not like it at times, but I’ll do it cause I love you. I will make you step out of your comfort zone. I will require that you try your very best. I will not turn my back on you. Ever. I will demand the very best for you.

I will cheer the loudest when you succeed and will be there to catch you when you fail. Because you will fail at some things. I will encourage you to try again.

The mister

“Thank you for being you… for sharing your love with me, for inspiring me to accept myself, for helping me see the unique beauty in imperfection, for showing me that love is something you do, something not just to be said but also to be shown.”

I’m so fortunate to have married my best friend. I know it sounds cliche to say but really this man is pretty awesome- so this post is dedicated to him.

He came into my life when I needed it the most and more importantly when I was whole. I didn’t know what to expect from him. I had dated some but hadn’t found that…thing. You know, that thing that keeps you wanting to know more. Then he came along.

I’d be lying if I said I was hooked from the moment we met. I wanted to know more. I honestly couldn’t be happier. We have our moments where we disagree or get on each other’s nerves but at the end of the day he has my back and I have his. He’s my heart.

There are days when I’m a mess. My mind is in a thousand places, or I feel like a shitty mom, or I had a bad day at work and somehow he manages to bring me back to reality. He is so supportive of me going back to school, and pretty much anything I bring to him.

If you ever read this baby….know that you are amazing and I love you forevs.💛

Happy birthday little one

Happy seventh birthday Judah. I wish that I could stop time sometimes. You are growing so fast and sometimes it makes me a little bit sad. I hope you know just how much I love you and how very proud I am of you.

You are seven going on fifteen. You are wise beyond your years my love and I love watching you analyze things. You spend your days asking question after question. Sometimes you drive me mad and we have mandatory quiet time.

Right now you LOVE pizza, spaghetti and breakfast food. You could live on those three things. You just finished up soccer, I think you’re gonna be my little sports fanatic. Chris bought a tackle dummy and you mess with it EVERYDAY when you get home from school. You like school and have found your love for reading. I make you read out loud for homework, but really I just love listening to you read. Your best friend in the whole world is your cousin Abel. You ask on a weekly basis for him to come over. You guys are two peas in a pod.

I love you to the moon and back my love. Thank you for being such an amazing son.

Love. Mom ❤️

Unsteady

You know what’s crazy? Just how unpredictable life is. If you’ve followed me for a while, you know just how much I went through to have my little man. Sometimes I look at him and my heart breaks knowing he won’t be little forever. I still remember the feeling the moment I heard his heart beat for the first time. I remember sitting across for the fertility doctor, having him tell me “it worked”..”you’re pregnant”. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. This little boy is a part of my heart.

He will be 7 next month. 7 years old. Somedays I feel like super mom. I can do it all. Those days everything just falls into place. Dinner. Done. Homework. Done. Shower. Clothes ready. Teeth brushed and in bed by 7:55. Done. Well done mama.

Then there are the other days. I drag. I’m in a fog. I’m tired. Drained from a long day at work. Those days, I feel like shit. A bad mom. A moody, bitchy mom who can seem to get her shit together. Don’t get me wrong. I try. But I fail. I get frustrated easily. My patience wears thin.

Last September, my little man was diagnosed with ADHD combined type. For years, I sat back and watched. Angry at others for how they saw my baby. How they labeled and judged him. How dare they. Daycare was hard. There were notes. And sideway looks when he was younger. He was never the “bad” kid. Just the active one. They one who during movie time crawled around the room and pretended he was a dinosaur. The climber. The Daredevil. The questioner. The talker. I guess in the back of my head I kind of knew.

Fast forward a few years and here we are. The start of first grade was as rough as kinder. Note about talking, not sitting still etc. We knew we had to do something. Making that call to see a specialist was hard. Admitting to myself that he needed more help than I could give him was even harder.

But we did it.

I am so happy that we did. The medicine didn’t fix Judah. It just bridged a gap. He is so smart and I’m so proud to be his mom.

Dear Judah

Judes. Son, please stop growing so fast. My heart can’t stand it. You’re 6 years old…only a couple of months till you turn 7. I say it all the time, but you are such a smart kiddo. Sometimes you wear me out with all of your questions. Needless to say, I am so, so proud of you. You had a rough kindergarten year and a hard beginning of first grade. I spent many nights wondering what to do. But we’re on track now. You’re such a trooper. I admire your drive and enthusiasm. You’ve outgrown wanting to be babied, most days. Sometimes you still just want to sit next to me to cuddle.

Right now, you’re playing soccer and you’re good at it. I’m patiently waiting on football season to start. Football is kinda your thing. And kinda my thing and completely Chris’ thing. We’ll see where all that sports love gets you. I love you kiddo.

It’s an honor to be your momma.