Last month Chris and I turned one. I can’t believe it’s been a year already. The time just seemed to fly by. I won’t sit here and tell you that it’s been all sweetness and kisses cause I’d be lying. We’ve had out disagreements and even our first “fights”. But at the end of it all there’s peace, a compromise, an understanding that no matter what, we have each others back.
Sometimes I sit and think about my past relationships and wonder why things weren’t this easy. Wrong person? Wrong time? A combination of both. What I do know is that they all taught me something. A lot about myself and some about men.
I can honestly say I see Chris so different than I did anyone else, including my ex-husband. Partly because of they type of person that he is. I’m gonna brag on my man a little bit so prep yourself. For starters, he is not a romantic in the general definition of the word. His romance is displayed when he rubs my back when I lay across his lap, or puts his hand in my hair. When I’m cooking he’ll come in to help me clean, he’ll grab the broom and mop and send me away to finish up. He gasses up my car. His sappy texts are rare but when I do get them I know they are from the heart. One of the things I love the most is that he can make me laugh. Even on my roughest days he’s a text or meme or picture away from making me smile. His soft, kind, funny, loving, sweetness is all mine. Most people don’t see that side of him.
I feel privileged to know what it feels like to be absolutely head over heels in love.
I know I promised this post months ago, a little late but here it is guys.
If you read my last post you know that I met my boyfriend on tinder, I know who knew there were actually good guys on there. I guess you can say that somehow the stars aligned the night we met. I was completely burned out on dating. I had tried all the lame dating sites and at the end of the day ended up more frustrated than I had started. I never seemed to find the guy with the qualited I knew I needed. Not to mention that most didn’t get to the actual date part because of the pervert factor. I guess guys assume that being a gentleman was not a requirement and that sex was what all women online are looking for? I don’t know but it was getting annoying.
I honestly dont remember who messaged who first but it was so sweet from the beginning. We messaged back and forth for a few days before I gave him my number and honestly i was waiting for the dumb sex questions to start, you know which ones….what are you wearing…what do you like blah blah blah. I tell him all the time that this was one of the reasons that I found him so attractive. The questions never came. He was a perfect getleman, over text, over the phone, in person. He let me take the lead and it was so refreshing.
Fast forward to now I’m happy to say that I am one happy woman. It’s amazing to know a feel like you are cherished. Don’t get me wrong we’ve had our small disagreements but at the end of the day I know that most things aren’t worth the fight. And talking it out is wayyyyy better than the arguing and the fighting. I’ve learned so much about myself, about relationships, love, sacrifice.
I don’t want this feeling to ever end.
Happy Thanksgiving ya’ll!!! It’s been almost 5 years that I started blogging. Crazy how quickly time goes by. This years been full if surprises, mostly good ones. I’ll be moving this weekend. This new place will be new and exciting. Somewhere I planned versus somewhere I just ended up in. The moving part is killing me but I’m ready to start a new chapter. Ill be closer to my family and to my boyfriend. Ahhhh…..
Remember I said I met a guy. Well this month marks 7 months that we’ve been together. Is it lame to keep count? Anyway, long story short, we met on tinder this past summer. Tinder of all places. I never would’ve guessed that I would meet someone I could actually fall in love with.
He is the sweetest man. Not like that cheesy I’ll-feed-you-bullshit kinda sweet, but that genuine I care for you, I adore you kinda sweet. The strange part is, he doesn’t look the part. He’s quiet, reserved and to others may come off as an asshole or to “good” to talk to you, but I found this other said. The side that holds my face and tells me he loves me. The side that catches him staring at me while he’s trying to hide his grin. The side that would run to my aide at the mention of needing help. It feels genuine. Free. Full of hope and love. I feel so lucky. Things are easy. Conversation flows like water and even in silence there’s a comfort in just being next to each other. And the sex….well it’s pretty amazing. Like really really good ya’ll.
Sometimes it feels a little surreal. He met Judah last month and I met his kiddos this month. I wanted to wait a while to make sure we protected the hearts of the kiddos. My kiddo loves him and he seems to get along well with Judah. His kiddos are teenagers, sweet and well mannered. I try to play it cool but deep down I want them to like me. I’ve given them thier space and moved slowly to give them time to get used to me. All of this makes me so happy.
Im excited to see what 2016 has in store for us. Till next time.
Let me first start by saying thank you to those who still follow. It’s been a while since I’ve written but it’s not for lack of material. Life has just been crazy.
It official now, I’m now a mom of a four year old. Where has the time gone? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was praying for a positive pregnancy test. Sometimes i look at him and wonder how I was so lucky to be his mom. He is smart and caring. He has an a amazing imagination and is so creative. I cant believe that in less than a year he will be a kindergartner. I hope and pray that I am leading him in the right direction. I have to admit that sometimes I fear that I’m lacking something, that not having his father under the same roof will somehow change who he should have been. Hopefully that will change soon. But speaking of men…I met a guy!
Yes there’s a guy, I guess that explains a little of my absences as well. He’s really great. ..but more about him later.
I don’t know how I got this far. But my heart is happy. I’m at peace with the way things my life have turned out.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
So I’ve been wanting to write for a couple of weeks now. But my stupid laptop was not cooperating with me. Anyway, I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. My baby is turning 4 years old in a month, and for the past couple of weeks he’s been asking me for a baby brother. I don’t even know what to say to him. The first time he asked me I wanted to break down and cry.
When I got married envision my life with maybe 3 kids. I grew up in a pretty big family and I loved it. I wanted the same for my son. We struggle to conceive but hoped that one day we will be able to try IVF again or adopt. Well we see how that turned out. I feel guilty and heartbroken. I wish I could give him what he so genuinely wants. It’s hard not to wish that someone would just come into my life and give me that family I had hoped for. Maybe one day….Who knows.
On another note I went to go drop my son off today to his dad, and there was a picture of him and his new girlfriend on his bar. I had always wondered if he was seeing her while we were dating and trying to work things out. So I asked him. and I got the answer I was expecting. He said they were not dating, but that they were hanging out and that the time that I came over TWO weeks after we had broken up she was the one that was there with him..with her son…and thier luggage. This made me sad and mad and frustrated all of the same time. I was sad that I had trusted this person, and the things he was telling me about bringing our family back together, and he chose instead to do things behind my back and lie. I was mad because I had allowed it all. I was hurt because it seems so unfair that he has someone to come home too, to talk to and to do all those new love things with.
I know that tomorrow I’ll feel better. I’ll remember that she’s better off with him than I am and that one day I’ll have love, real love, the kind that doesn’t doesn’t hurt that doesn’t lie that doesn’t cheat the kind that doesn’t fizzle away.
But tonight. I will be sad.
Tomorrow will be better.
Your birthday is only two months away baby. I cannot believe how big you are getting. We went to the park and you were picking flowers for me. I love you more than any words I could ever use. You are so kind and caring and I’m proud to be your mommy.
Life has calmed down so much. We are happy. You are happy. Your favorite thing to say is -I was thinking about you mommy- you definitely know how to melt my heart. Years ago I was so scared about raising you without your daddy in the same house.
But today I’m proud to say that we got this. I would not trade the time I have with you for anything in the world.
Favorite food- sausage and eggs, you could eat this everyday. For every meal.
Favorite song- Centuries by FallOutBoy
Favorite place to sleep- “in my back” as you say. You love to curl up behind me in my bed. You sneak in almost every night. I pretend that I mind but I actually love having you sleeping next to me.
I love you! I love the person I’ve become because of you.