Mrs. Williams

Every so often I get the itch to write, to transfer all that life has delt me…into words. So here I am, back to writing.

The biggest news…I married my best friend in Vegas this past February. I wrote about him a couple of times. He’s probably the reason why I stopped writing. I’ve been living, enjoying life. I know it sounds super cheesy but I am so in love. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that we were meant to be together. We are opposite in some ways, but in most we just click.

One night a few months ago, he proposed. Not on bended knee with 10 dozen flowers. But next to the bed with an open heart. It was truly the most heartfelt words he’s ever said. It’s a special feeling when you know that someone thinks the world of you. I wouldn’t give that up for anything. Honestly, I would have said yes after 6 months. Guess you can say I just knew.

I found my lover, my best friend, my travel companion, my confidant.

Lucky doesn’t do it justice.

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I love you like a love song baby

Last month Chris and I turned one. I can’t believe it’s been a year already. The time just seemed to fly by. I won’t sit here and tell you that it’s been all sweetness and kisses cause I’d be lying. We’ve had out disagreements and even our first “fights”. But at the end of it all there’s peace, a compromise, an understanding that no matter what, we have each others back. 

Sometimes I sit and think about my past relationships and wonder why things weren’t this easy. Wrong person? Wrong time? A combination of both. What I do know is that they all taught me something. A lot about myself and some about men. 

I can honestly say I see Chris so different than I did anyone else, including my ex-husband. Partly because of they type of person that he is. I’m gonna brag on my man a little bit so prep yourself. For starters, he is not a romantic in the general definition of the word. His romance is displayed when he rubs my back when I lay across his lap, or puts his hand in my hair. When I’m cooking he’ll come in to help me clean, he’ll grab the broom and mop and send me away to finish up. He gasses up my car. His sappy texts are rare but when I do get them I know they are from the heart. One of the things I love the most is that he can make me laugh. Even on my roughest days he’s a text  or meme or picture away from making me smile. His soft, kind, funny, loving, sweetness is all mine. Most people don’t see that side of him.

I feel privileged to know what it feels like to be absolutely head over heels in love. 

Thanksgiving 2015

Happy Thanksgiving ya’ll!!!  It’s been almost 5 years that I started blogging.  Crazy how quickly time goes by.  This years been full if surprises,  mostly good ones.  I’ll be moving this weekend.   This new place will be new and exciting.  Somewhere I planned versus somewhere I just ended up in.  The moving part is killing me but I’m ready to start a new chapter.   Ill be closer to my family and to my boyfriend.  Ahhhh…..

Remember I said I met a guy.  Well this month marks 7 months that we’ve been together.  Is it lame to keep count? Anyway,  long story short, we met on tinder this past summer.  Tinder of all places.  I never would’ve guessed that I would meet someone I could actually fall in love with.

He is the sweetest man.  Not like that cheesy I’ll-feed-you-bullshit kinda sweet, but that genuine I care for you, I adore you kinda sweet.  The strange part is, he doesn’t look the part.  He’s quiet, reserved and to others may come off as an asshole or to “good” to talk to you, but I found this other said.   The side that holds my face and tells me he loves me.  The side that catches him staring at me while he’s trying to hide his grin.  The side that would run to my aide at the mention of needing help.  It feels genuine.  Free.  Full of hope and love.  I feel so lucky.  Things are easy. Conversation flows like water and even in silence there’s a comfort in just being next to each other.  And the sex….well it’s pretty amazing. Like really really good ya’ll. 

Sometimes it feels a little surreal.  He met Judah last month and I met his kiddos this month.  I wanted to wait a while to make sure we protected the hearts of the kiddos.  My kiddo loves him and he seems to get along well with Judah.  His kiddos are teenagers, sweet and well mannered.   I try to play it cool but deep down I want them to like me.  I’ve given them thier space and moved slowly to give them time to get used to me.  All of this makes me so happy.  

Im excited to see what 2016 has in store for us.  Till next time.

Angela

Monday ramblings

This weekend was valentines day and im happy to say that I survived.   Woohoo.  My day consisted of being with the ones I love.  Breakfast with my parents.   Girl time…. watched 50 shades of Grey. And ended the night at home.  Alone and happy.   I am so greatful for what I havr accomplished, what God has changed in my life and what He has allowed to change me.

Two years ago I was a different person.   I was broken, betrayed, worn and very unhappy.   I held my head high on the outside and used up every ounce of my strength to stay strong for my baby.   When he went to his dad’s house I would cry myself to sleep.  I was in a dark tunnel with no end in sight.   Everything seemed impossible.   You see, I come from a family of marriages.  It’s what I had always wanted.   A husband,  a few babies,  a home, ect.  I dreamed of a beautiful life of traveling and late night chats.  I dreamed that the man I would marry would hold my heart forever.   Through the thick and thin we would fight on.

Then everything died.

It was stripped away from me.   I mourned deeply because all that I had wanted had walked out of the door.  My dreams dragging behind him.  The thought of someone else hurt, the thought of dating,  moving on, seeing him with someone new, and the thought of lost love hurt.  The thought of my son having step parents hurt.  The thought of finding love again hurt.  The thought of being alone hurt.  Everything. Even my physical body hurt.

Days turned into weeks; weeks turned into months then into years.  Just as the time passed so did the pain and the uncertainty.   I am so happy now.  I mean I have my not so great days but  I have a plan. The light at the end of the tunnel is now shining bright on my face.    I am blessed with a beautiful son and everyday has something to be thankful for. I look forward to the future, to finishing what I started,  to learning and growing,  to loving and I look forward to finding someone who will love me like I deserve.   ♥

Tequila Tuesday

We laugh at work and joke about bringing tequila to make mixed drinks… you know to relieve the stress.  Ha.  Well, lemme tell you today would have been a perfect day for a drink.  It started this morning when I woke up a little late.  Getting out of the door on time with a 3 year old is tough but we managed to only be running 3 minutes behind.  Started the car… gasoline on empty.  Dropped my baby off…. stopped at the gas station and used my last $20 bucks for gas.  This put me about….anoooootheerrrr 10 minutes behind schedule.  Which only meant that I would NOT have time to do my makeup on the parking lot. LOL.  Yes i know, who does that?  Okay so you see how my day is going so far.

Mmmm about 2 hours into my day I go to the restroom and my fucking zipper breaks.  Yes breaks!  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuk!  I ravaged my desk for some safety pins.  2 score.  At least my pants would stay up.

For the rest of the day i had to pin and unpin my pants every time i had to pee.  Deep breath…savor the moments…brush off the little things blah blah blah.

Lunch time.  Realize I left my homemade chicken soup in my car. Wallet-$0. Ritz crackers and water for lunch.

My son was scheduled to be picked up by his grandfather today.  Maybe I should have made myself a damn note that I SWITCHED DAYS TO FRIDAY!!! How did I remember do you ask…. when the daycare called and asked if everything was okay because my son was there.  The last kid left.

MY BABY!!!  I felt like the worst mother! The worst mother ever.  My son got into the car and was like ‘mommy you was late…I was missing you’.  Knife to the heart.

Anyway, that was my day.  In it’s shitty glory.  Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

Help me!!! I’m drowning

It’s 11 o’clock pm here in Texas.  I just came back from the grocery store, I’ve been stuck in my apartment for the past day and a half.  Winter storm of 2013 brought sheets of unforgiving ice and pretty much shut down north Texas.  Well, this nice little storm has allowed me to have some quiet time with myself (my son has been with his dad for the past several days).  With nothing to do my mind has been on overload.

I will start with what happened today while it’s fresh on my mind.  I was talking with my sons dad and he mentioned his girlfriend giving him advice about my son.  Side note–My sons dad and I separated in September 2012 and our divorce was finalized in March 2013.  One of the things that I’ve struggled with the most is that my ex-husband started dating soon after we separated.  When he asked for a divorce I specifically asked him to wait to date until after our divorce was final out of respect for me.  He agreed, saying that he would never ever think of doing such a thing.  This is not what happened.  Over and over again during our separation I caught him in lies and caught him lying about going out with other women.  This would not have bothered me so much if (1) he didn’t pretend that he was still interested in making things work (2) he didn’t ask me to wait on money for my son when he was out spending this money on dates (3) he didn’t lie directly to my face or (4) that I was trying everything that I knew to do to salvage our relationship.

Fast forward to tonight.  This month marks the one year anniversary of the month that we divorced.  From the moment that I found out that he was out dating I questioned EVERYTHING.  I felt to worthless.  I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he didn’t want anything to do with me and I have always wondered when he started dating.  So tonight, I asked him.

Honestly, I wasn’t surprised at his answer.  He said that sometime around when we first separated he created a POF account and started dating.  Soon after that he said that he created a match account.  He followed this by stating that he didn’t cheat on me.  -.- I’m sorry.  If you are married and dating, that’s cheating in my book.  Recently, he has been dating this woman.  From what I know they have been together for a couple of months.  Parents have been introduced and she has also met my son.

Saying all of this, welcome to my pity party.  I feel like a five year old, wanting to throw a tantrum.  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t want him back.  I did in the beginning but I realized over time that he didn’t want to be with me long before we got a divorce.  Why chase something or someone who doesn’t want you, right?  But I feel that I should have someone too.  I guess you can say I’m feeling a little jealous that he has someone to talk to, to date, to kiss, to hug and so on.  It seems a little unfair. No?

Please, I’m still a rookie at this whole divorced thing.  Any advice is appriciated. 🙂

I found my love on an online dating site!!!

Hahaha!!! Just kidding.  I haven’t found “Mr.Right”.  I have been on a popular online dating site for a few weeks now.  From those two weeks I’ve gotten one date with Mr. Inappropriate and have a potential date for this Sat.

Here is my frustration with this whole online dating thing.   It’s NOTHING like the commercials.  You know, the one where the couple is sitting across from each other in some romantic restaurant …laughing.  LOL  nothing like that.  At least not for me.  

This is what I’ve learned so far. There are a lot of men that don’t seem to have it all together yet. I thought by trying to find a someone in his early to mid 30’s, I would find someone that was a little more grounded and ready for something a little more serious then just screwing around. The last few men that have message me or that I have gone on a date with all live with either a parent or a roommate. Don’t get me wrong I understand that sometimes life happens and moving in with someone temporarily is the only solution. But a man living with mom just isn’t going to fly with me.

So most nights I just sit and stare at my screen. Check my emails, and check the list of guys that have a few need that day and wonder why in the world would someone view my profile over and over but not send a message. One would think that the keyboard would be similar to liquid courage and all shyness would dissipate. {deep sigh} But I guess true love is not in the stars for me yet or at least not today.

Who knows maybe Mr. Right is filling out his online profile as we speak. Lol. Then again maybe not.