I love you like a love song baby

Last month Chris and I turned one. I can’t believe it’s been a year already. The time just seemed to fly by. I won’t sit here and tell you that it’s been all sweetness and kisses cause I’d be lying. We’ve had out disagreements and even our first “fights”. But at the end of it all there’s peace, a compromise, an understanding that no matter what, we have each others back. 

Sometimes I sit and think about my past relationships and wonder why things weren’t this easy. Wrong person? Wrong time? A combination of both. What I do know is that they all taught me something. A lot about myself and some about men. 

I can honestly say I see Chris so different than I did anyone else, including my ex-husband. Partly because of they type of person that he is. I’m gonna brag on my man a little bit so prep yourself. For starters, he is not a romantic in the general definition of the word. His romance is displayed when he rubs my back when I lay across his lap, or puts his hand in my hair. When I’m cooking he’ll come in to help me clean, he’ll grab the broom and mop and send me away to finish up. He gasses up my car. His sappy texts are rare but when I do get them I know they are from the heart. One of the things I love the most is that he can make me laugh. Even on my roughest days he’s a text  or meme or picture away from making me smile. His soft, kind, funny, loving, sweetness is all mine. Most people don’t see that side of him.

I feel privileged to know what it feels like to be absolutely head over heels in love. 

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The Guy

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I know I promised this post months ago, a little late but here it is guys. 

If you read my last post you know that I met my boyfriend on tinder, I know who knew there were actually good guys on there.  I guess you can say that somehow the stars aligned the night we met.  I was completely burned out on dating. I had tried all the lame dating sites and at the end of the day ended up more frustrated than I had started.  I never seemed to find the guy with the qualited I knew I needed.  Not to mention that most didn’t  get to the actual date part because of the pervert factor.  I guess guys assume that being a gentleman was not a requirement and that sex was what all women online are looking for? I don’t know but it was getting annoying.  
I honestly dont remember who messaged who first but it was so sweet from the beginning.  We messaged back and forth for a few days before I gave him my number and honestly i was waiting for the dumb sex questions to start, you know which ones….what are you wearing…what do you like blah blah blah.  I tell him all the time that this was one of the reasons that I found him so attractive.  The questions never came. He was a perfect getleman,  over text, over the phone, in person.  He let me take the lead and it was so refreshing. 

Fast forward to now I’m happy to say that I am one happy woman. It’s amazing to know a feel like you are cherished. Don’t get me wrong we’ve had our small disagreements but at the end of the day I know that most things aren’t worth the fight. And talking it out is wayyyyy better than the arguing and the fighting. I’ve learned so much about myself, about relationships, love, sacrifice.

I don’t want this feeling to ever end.

The fall update

Let me first start by saying thank you to those who still follow.  It’s been a while since I’ve written but it’s not for lack of material.  Life has just been crazy.

It official now, I’m now a mom of a four year old.  Where has the time gone?  I feel like it was just yesterday that I was praying for a positive pregnancy test.  Sometimes i look at him and wonder how I was so lucky to be his mom.  He is smart and caring.  He has an a amazing imagination and is so creative.  I cant believe that in less than a year he will be a kindergartner.  I hope and pray that I am leading him in the right direction.  I have to admit that sometimes I fear that I’m lacking something, that not having his father under the same roof will somehow change who he should have been.  Hopefully that will change soon. But speaking of men…I met a guy!

Yes there’s a guy, I guess that explains a little of my absences as well. He’s really great. ..but more about him later.

I don’t know how I got this far. But my heart is happy. I’m at peace with the way things my life have turned out.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Monday ramblings

This weekend was valentines day and im happy to say that I survived.   Woohoo.  My day consisted of being with the ones I love.  Breakfast with my parents.   Girl time…. watched 50 shades of Grey. And ended the night at home.  Alone and happy.   I am so greatful for what I havr accomplished, what God has changed in my life and what He has allowed to change me.

Two years ago I was a different person.   I was broken, betrayed, worn and very unhappy.   I held my head high on the outside and used up every ounce of my strength to stay strong for my baby.   When he went to his dad’s house I would cry myself to sleep.  I was in a dark tunnel with no end in sight.   Everything seemed impossible.   You see, I come from a family of marriages.  It’s what I had always wanted.   A husband,  a few babies,  a home, ect.  I dreamed of a beautiful life of traveling and late night chats.  I dreamed that the man I would marry would hold my heart forever.   Through the thick and thin we would fight on.

Then everything died.

It was stripped away from me.   I mourned deeply because all that I had wanted had walked out of the door.  My dreams dragging behind him.  The thought of someone else hurt, the thought of dating,  moving on, seeing him with someone new, and the thought of lost love hurt.  The thought of my son having step parents hurt.  The thought of finding love again hurt.  The thought of being alone hurt.  Everything. Even my physical body hurt.

Days turned into weeks; weeks turned into months then into years.  Just as the time passed so did the pain and the uncertainty.   I am so happy now.  I mean I have my not so great days but  I have a plan. The light at the end of the tunnel is now shining bright on my face.    I am blessed with a beautiful son and everyday has something to be thankful for. I look forward to the future, to finishing what I started,  to learning and growing,  to loving and I look forward to finding someone who will love me like I deserve.   ♥

He moved in with her!!!!

Well get to the moving in part in a sec. First off great news, I got a job offer! I received a call the end of last week and I am so excited. The job won’t start till the middle of January so I have a few more weak to enjoy with my baby.

Christmas is great I got to spend it with some family and my son. It was definitely a lot better than last years Christmas.  Holidays are getting just a little bit more manageable. But Christmas didn’t come without drama.

Couple days before Christmas I was out shopping late so I called my sons dad and ask if you could say one more night with him. He recently moved out of his apartment and was supposed to move in with his brother temporarily. Well that night I found out that he decided to move in with his girlfriend. I was upset, because I’m not that comfortable with my son living with someone he’s only known for a couple of months.

I was actually surprised. We’ve only been divorced since March. But anyway, at the end of our conversation I asked to speak with my son. The second I asked he tried to get off the phone with me. I know when he’s lying. He said that my son was in the car with his girlfriend. So I asked him again where my son was. And that’s what he told me he left him alone at the apartment . With his girlfriend.

I.was.livid.

I couldn’t believe that he would be so dumb as to leave our 2.5 yo son with someone who he has only known for a few months and who has not really been around my kiddo.  I couldn’t even talk to him. I hung the phone and I was so angry and upset. Call me a crazy overprotective mom there a lot of crazy people out there that do really sick hurtful things to kids.

I hung up the phone with him. And he call me back a couple of times and left some crazy messages saying that he trusted her and that I just needed to get over it. I know that he’s moving on, but its so hard to trust someone that you don’t even know to be around your baby.  We haven’t spoken since.

Had a long chat with my parents.  They listen to me and all that I had to say and then give me their wonderful words of wisdom. That I just have to trust that I have to trust him. And that I have to trust God first and foremost for his safety.

I don’t know what to do. I really feel  like I should talk to her. But honestly I don’t even know what to say to her. Besides the fact that I would rain all types of Hell on her if she ever hurt my baby. 😦

I found my love on an online dating site!!!

Hahaha!!! Just kidding.  I haven’t found “Mr.Right”.  I have been on a popular online dating site for a few weeks now.  From those two weeks I’ve gotten one date with Mr. Inappropriate and have a potential date for this Sat.

Here is my frustration with this whole online dating thing.   It’s NOTHING like the commercials.  You know, the one where the couple is sitting across from each other in some romantic restaurant …laughing.  LOL  nothing like that.  At least not for me.  

This is what I’ve learned so far. There are a lot of men that don’t seem to have it all together yet. I thought by trying to find a someone in his early to mid 30’s, I would find someone that was a little more grounded and ready for something a little more serious then just screwing around. The last few men that have message me or that I have gone on a date with all live with either a parent or a roommate. Don’t get me wrong I understand that sometimes life happens and moving in with someone temporarily is the only solution. But a man living with mom just isn’t going to fly with me.

So most nights I just sit and stare at my screen. Check my emails, and check the list of guys that have a few need that day and wonder why in the world would someone view my profile over and over but not send a message. One would think that the keyboard would be similar to liquid courage and all shyness would dissipate. {deep sigh} But I guess true love is not in the stars for me yet or at least not today.

Who knows maybe Mr. Right is filling out his online profile as we speak. Lol. Then again maybe not.

Dating for dummies

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This is honestly how I feel right now.  I joined an online dating site for all the reasons that everyone seems to have joined.  I don’t do the clubs anymore and when I go to a bar it’s usually with some married folks. :/

This past Friday I went on my very first date since joining this site.  I will call him “JC”.  So this guy has two kiddos.  He told me that he had to temporarily move back into his parents house. Warning sign #1? I decided that I would give him a chance.

We met at a Mexican restaurant… but there was no parking so we decided to go across the street and grab a burger.  Dinner was… interesting.  This guy had NO FILTER!!  Like none.  He said everything that crossed his mind.  From OMG you have a nice ass… to are we going back to your place.  :/  What a gentlemen right.  I mean I honestly felt bad for the guy.  I think he was really nervous.  So anyway I decided to stick around and walk down to a bar that was a couple of doors down.

Once he relaxed he was much more talkative and we actually had some nice conversation.  We ended the night and I went home.  He called and asked when he could see me again.  I thought it over, and the next day I thought about it some more.  I sent him a text on Saturday telling him that I didn’t really feel a romantic connection but that I would like to hang out as friends if he was up for it.

Date number one.  fail.