Last month Chris and I turned one. I can’t believe it’s been a year already. The time just seemed to fly by. I won’t sit here and tell you that it’s been all sweetness and kisses cause I’d be lying. We’ve had out disagreements and even our first “fights”. But at the end of it all there’s peace, a compromise, an understanding that no matter what, we have each others back.
Sometimes I sit and think about my past relationships and wonder why things weren’t this easy. Wrong person? Wrong time? A combination of both. What I do know is that they all taught me something. A lot about myself and some about men.
I can honestly say I see Chris so different than I did anyone else, including my ex-husband. Partly because of they type of person that he is. I’m gonna brag on my man a little bit so prep yourself. For starters, he is not a romantic in the general definition of the word. His romance is displayed when he rubs my back when I lay across his lap, or puts his hand in my hair. When I’m cooking he’ll come in to help me clean, he’ll grab the broom and mop and send me away to finish up. He gasses up my car. His sappy texts are rare but when I do get them I know they are from the heart. One of the things I love the most is that he can make me laugh. Even on my roughest days he’s a text or meme or picture away from making me smile. His soft, kind, funny, loving, sweetness is all mine. Most people don’t see that side of him.
I feel privileged to know what it feels like to be absolutely head over heels in love.
This weekend was valentines day and im happy to say that I survived. Woohoo. My day consisted of being with the ones I love. Breakfast with my parents. Girl time…. watched 50 shades of Grey. And ended the night at home. Alone and happy. I am so greatful for what I havr accomplished, what God has changed in my life and what He has allowed to change me.
Two years ago I was a different person. I was broken, betrayed, worn and very unhappy. I held my head high on the outside and used up every ounce of my strength to stay strong for my baby. When he went to his dad’s house I would cry myself to sleep. I was in a dark tunnel with no end in sight. Everything seemed impossible. You see, I come from a family of marriages. It’s what I had always wanted. A husband, a few babies, a home, ect. I dreamed of a beautiful life of traveling and late night chats. I dreamed that the man I would marry would hold my heart forever. Through the thick and thin we would fight on.
Then everything died.
It was stripped away from me. I mourned deeply because all that I had wanted had walked out of the door. My dreams dragging behind him. The thought of someone else hurt, the thought of dating, moving on, seeing him with someone new, and the thought of lost love hurt. The thought of my son having step parents hurt. The thought of finding love again hurt. The thought of being alone hurt. Everything. Even my physical body hurt.
Days turned into weeks; weeks turned into months then into years. Just as the time passed so did the pain and the uncertainty. I am so happy now. I mean I have my not so great days but I have a plan. The light at the end of the tunnel is now shining bright on my face. I am blessed with a beautiful son and everyday has something to be thankful for. I look forward to the future, to finishing what I started, to learning and growing, to loving and I look forward to finding someone who will love me like I deserve. ♥
Well get to the moving in part in a sec. First off great news, I got a job offer! I received a call the end of last week and I am so excited. The job won’t start till the middle of January so I have a few more weak to enjoy with my baby.
Christmas is great I got to spend it with some family and my son. It was definitely a lot better than last years Christmas. Holidays are getting just a little bit more manageable. But Christmas didn’t come without drama.
Couple days before Christmas I was out shopping late so I called my sons dad and ask if you could say one more night with him. He recently moved out of his apartment and was supposed to move in with his brother temporarily. Well that night I found out that he decided to move in with his girlfriend. I was upset, because I’m not that comfortable with my son living with someone he’s only known for a couple of months.
I was actually surprised. We’ve only been divorced since March. But anyway, at the end of our conversation I asked to speak with my son. The second I asked he tried to get off the phone with me. I know when he’s lying. He said that my son was in the car with his girlfriend. So I asked him again where my son was. And that’s what he told me he left him alone at the apartment . With his girlfriend.
I couldn’t believe that he would be so dumb as to leave our 2.5 yo son with someone who he has only known for a few months and who has not really been around my kiddo. I couldn’t even talk to him. I hung the phone and I was so angry and upset. Call me a crazy overprotective mom there a lot of crazy people out there that do really sick hurtful things to kids.
I hung up the phone with him. And he call me back a couple of times and left some crazy messages saying that he trusted her and that I just needed to get over it. I know that he’s moving on, but its so hard to trust someone that you don’t even know to be around your baby. We haven’t spoken since.
Had a long chat with my parents. They listen to me and all that I had to say and then give me their wonderful words of wisdom. That I just have to trust that I have to trust him. And that I have to trust God first and foremost for his safety.
I don’t know what to do. I really feel like I should talk to her. But honestly I don’t even know what to say to her. Besides the fact that I would rain all types of Hell on her if she ever hurt my baby. 😦